Joe Biden Aces Rorschach Test?

Washington DC — After weeks of having his cognitive ability questioned by those outside his political camp, Joe Biden revealed that he “aced” a recent Rorschach test. “Y’all been thinking that Uncle Joe has checked out. Well I got news for you Kirby! I just scored 100% on one of those fancy inkblot tests.”

The famed Rorschach is a psychological test in which a person’s perceptions of inkblots are recorded and analyzed using psychological interpretation. Since psychologists typically use the Rorschach to examine a person’s personality characteristics and emotional functioning, it was unclear to reporters how Biden’s results bolstered his overall mental fitness.

“I bet some of you are surprised, aren’t you?” Biden asked reporters gathered at the convention of the International Association for Political Science Students. “That silly ‘Man-Woman-TV’ test Trump took? That thing is peanuts man!” Biden remarked. “Didn’t matter which ink stain they threw at me neither. I named every one of my political rivals, even one that looked like what’s her face, uh…Abc.” It is believed that Biden meant to say ‘AOC’ in reference to the US representative from New York Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, though he was not asked.

Also in question was Biden’s use of the term “aced,” which translates to ‘getting a top grade in an exam or test.’ While Trump used the same word to describe his results in the Montreal Cognitive Assessment, a test which can be objectively scored, no such scoring exists for the Rorschach.

According to Dr. Joshua Gordon, head of the National Institute of Mental Health, “The analysis of the Rorschach is subject to a number of various factors including the objectivity of testers to the inability to replicate the test’s norms, to name just a couple.” Dr. Gordon then summarized his thoughts on Biden’s claim by stating “Simply put, one cannot ‘ace’ a Rorschach test.”

When questioned further, Biden swung a defiant tone with reporters. “Listen man. I don’t need any Goddamn test to tell me if I am who I am. Every time I look in the mirror, it tells me I’m Joe Biden.” Biden’s campaign did not respond to requests for further clarification.